BRIAN MCMILLAN'S HILARITIES & HEARTBREAKERS OF FAMILY LIFE ... &c


Monday, May 31, 2010

Is the dinosaur invited?

Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
We went to Orlando and saw a life-size replica of a dinosaur skeleton. Jackson was amazed. When we got home, he said, "I'm going to eat vanilla pudding to celebrate the bone structure of a dinosaur."

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Are you sure it wasn't your brother?

Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
Jackson's younger brother has an imaginary friend, and apparently, he isn't always nice. Speaking of that friend, Jackson said angrily, "He reached his hand out and bashed me in the booty!"

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Check out this blog, too

This is a departure from what I normally post but, I recently found a website with funny kid quotes from church. Here are a few samples:

Girl speaking about her mother on Mother's Day: She's not afraid to be the bad guy and tie Annie to her high chair to stop her from biting everybody.

Front page of a sacrament meeting program: "Motherhood--A Scared and Holy Calling" -Boyd K. Packer

Sharing time leader: When we are being disobedient, the Holy Ghost is not always with us... 5-year-old interrupting: Yeah, cause he's tattling to God about what we did!

Check out the blog, Overheard In The Ward.

Grassing the cut

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
"Dad, outside I heard the noise of the mow lawner."

Friday, May 28, 2010

Protein break

Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
While fighting with his brother, he said, "I've lost my super strength, and now I just have normal strength. I need more protein."

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Dining review

Matthew, 4, Idaho Falls, Idaho
Describing his dinner to his dad, Matthew said, "We had pizza with sausage, and chocolate pudding! You could see the chocolate pudding. It was not on the pizza. And we ate it and corn dogs and peas, and it was good! Well, the peas not so much."

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Dem bones

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
"Do socks have bones? Do mittens have bones?"

Monday, May 24, 2010

In case you hadn't heard the news

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
I was opening the refrigerator when Grant walked up to tell me an important fact: "Camel dung is camel poop."

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Free style

Grant, 3, and Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
This is a bit long, but it's classic.


video

All-organic dinner

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
Grant: I want chips, olives, and cheese for dinner. That's a pine cone.
Dad: How is that a pine cone?
Grant: It's not a real pine cone, it's a pine cone you eat.

A portrait of baby sister

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida

Uniquer words were never spoken

Matthew, 4, Idaho Falls, Idaho
"Snow tastes like water, only it's frozener."

The hills are alive with the sound of tubas

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
At church today, Grant made a hat that said, "I'm thankful for my ears." Why are you thankful for your ears?
Grant: "I like the sound of a woman singing. And tubas."

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Superman, hearts, boxers, tighty-whities...

Nathan, 6, Idaho Falls, Idaho
"If I were a different sort of guy, for a hobby I would be collecting underwear."

Friday, May 21, 2010

Don't doubt my belly

Matthew, 3, Idaho Falls, Idaho
Mom: Are you sure you are hungry enough for that?
Matthew: I'm NEVER too full for a waffle!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Another warm-fuzzy for the fridge?

Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
An original story:
Onse opon a time Skilly the Bat ate a rino and got fat. Then Skilly the Bat ate a Elufant and got fatr. Then Skilly the Bat ate a Dragon and got fatr. Then Skilly the Bat ate a SkoolBus and Exploded.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Is that like a loan shark?

Anna, 5, Clio, Michigan
"Turtles can retract their heads into their shells to protect themselves from creditors. Then the creditors can't eat them."

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

How to win friends and influence bad strangers

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
"If you see a bad stranger, you should beat it up and punch it."

Monday, May 17, 2010

One prescription and one Happy Meal, please

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
His mom pulled into the drive thru and talked into the little box. Grant said, "Mom, can I get something to eat, too?" No, Grant, they don't have chicken nuggets here. This is Walgreens.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

This iPhone has holes in it

Dean, 5, Santa Monica, California
Holding a cassette tape, he said, "Daddy, how do you turn this on?"

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Better off stomped

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
After stomping on a bug, he said, "I got it dead."

Friday, May 14, 2010

Crunchy eggs

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
He helped me making French toast today. He cracked eggs, crushed up the shells in the sink and even flipped a piece onto the counter. When I asked what his favorite part of the day was, he said,"Hatching the eggs."

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Run fast, my son

Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
Dad: When you fall off a horse, you have to get right back on.
Jackson: Even when it's still galloping?

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

They have those at Wal-Mart

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
In his nightly prayer, he said, "Bless that we can go to the store and buy a blood bag. And also that we can buy a piece of paper to put on the bag so we don't have to look at it."

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Confession

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
"Mom, while you were saying the prayer, I was yawning."

Cowboy up

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
"I like riding camels. They always stump when they bump on rocks."

Monday, May 10, 2010

Part of a nutritious breakfast

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
Dad: Don't eat your boogers.
Grant: I wasn't. It's just snot.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The final word on finales

Matthew, 3, Idaho Falls, Idaho
Describing the categories of races his trains are in, Matthew said, "There's the Big Big Finale, the Big Finale, The Grand Finale, The Small Finale, and the Small Small Finale. That's it."

It's what big brothers are for

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
"Every time I spit at my baby sister, she laughs!"

Medley?

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
Singing to Grandma, Grant got a bit mixed up:
"Teach me all that I must do... Next time won't you sing with me."

Saturday, May 8, 2010

I demand a refund

Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
We turned on the TV on Saturday afternoon, and about a minute later, the screen said "The End," and credits started rolling. Jackson said, "That was a short movie."

Hair is not cool

Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
Jackson: Why do you have hair under your arms?
Dad: It just happens when you get older.
Jackson: It's not cool.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Cold front coming

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
Grant was waving a book in the air. When asked what he was doing, he said, “I’m wagging the book to make air so everybody knows it’s cold.”

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
Dad: God will answer our prayers, as long as it's His will.
Jackson: That's why when Grant prayed that I would have a wiggly arm, it didn't happen.

Expert tracker

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
"I can see bug footprints in the carpet. Some are from snakes and some from snails."

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

It's the law

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
"Ka-pwees-men can go through red lights with their sounds on."

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

What are miracles?

Matthew, 3, Idaho Falls, Idaho
Dad: Miracles are wonderful things that man cannot explain, understand, or control.
Matthew: (pointing to his mother) Only women can.

Monday, May 3, 2010

The circle of life

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
"If you eat too much, you get fat, and then you die, and then they have to drag you home."

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Not sure that means what you think it means

Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
Still awake long past his bed time, he said, "After I take a nap, that's when I'm attractive."

What's in a name?

Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
"If I need you, I'll call you by your name, 'Dad,' or by your nickname, 'Brian.'"

They are both mammals

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida
I asked Grant what he was drawing. He said, "It was going to be a camel, but it ended up as a human."

Leave it alone

Grant, 3, and Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
I opened a compartment in the van and found a pile of leaves. I was taking them out, when I heard two protests:
Grant: "No! Those are for specialing!"
Jackson: "I was going to make seaweed out of those!"

Calvin and Hobbes explained

Nathan, 6, Idaho Falls, Idaho
Nathan, on why he enjoys Calvin and Hobbes so much: "It's funny, because Calvin is always trying to do something, but he never does that something, because someone always does something else to him."

Saturday, May 1, 2010

So far, so good

Ryan, 4, Scottsdale, Arizona
Ryan's prayer: "Bless all the planets to not crash into each other."

The Spooky Tunnel

Grant, 3, Palm Coast, Florida

If you don't water it...

Jackson, 6, Palm Coast, Florida
He ate a pumpkin seed last year, and this spring, he declined a glass of water. Only in the mind of a 6-year-old are those two events connected. When I asked why he didn't want any water, he said,"I want the pumpkin plant in my tummy to die." Future Farmers of America, here we come.